Let's Part with the Disclaimers....

I'd like to part with the disclaimers.... but that's just not totally in my personality. I blame it on partly on the gorgeous spring weather, which is very transition-y or, the st. Patrick's Day drinks, or mostly listening to Ben Kweller's "Falling"- one of those bittersweet songs that reminds me of being a teenager, and transports me back to being in Texas, and makes me feel a sense of loss, and makes me feel like I need to grow up in a hurry- all at once.

There are just time when I want to cut all the bullshit in relationships (many times, under the aforementioned conditions, one of which being Gin + Tonic), and just say what's really going on. I realize completely that this is a fully cliched and ordinary statement- but at the same time, not an unimportant one. It is common and trite for the simple reason that it is a shared experience.

I don't want to dwell on the lofty (ish) principles of how cliched and prosaic principles prove themselves to be true in our everyday lives, I really don't. I was just driving home from St. Patrick's Day festivities, and just thought of one person. And again, I attempt to dispense here with the cliches and disclaimers- last one- this was much more of a "why didn't we do things this way" type of thought than a "oh, how hard relationships are" kind of thing.

Why didn't I just sit down and say- let's cut the bullshit- regardless of what you feel and think- I need to say this- you get me. You get my stupid, sarcastic, sometimes offensive sense of humor. You get my love of Queen, and pub quiz obsessions, and my introspection, and my introvertedness, and my need to verbally process. You and I have both had a hard, shitty transition out of college, but here we are, and we're the better for it.

And maybe I'm just 22, and mildly retarded, because I just haven't met that many people that I feel like fit the bill. But why didn't I initiate that conversation? Why did I choose to deal with the "What Ifs" rather than deal with the possible rejection. I don't know. I know I'm being maudlin and self-serving right now, but... I don't know, I guess I'm allowed.

I'm tired- not emotionally, or existentially, or in a Ben Folds way, "tired of life..."- I'm just tired. And I need to go to bed. I'll leave the soul-searching to another day.